so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I didn't notice because vodka
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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