then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
