we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
