dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
