Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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