we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
