How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
