I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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