I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
