sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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