I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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