dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
