Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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