We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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