it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
