she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
