I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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