twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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