life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
