KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
