a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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