So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
