Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
