I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
