I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
