i just wanna soil my oats bro
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
