just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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