i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
