he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
