dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
