She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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