3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
