True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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