I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
