When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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