he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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