One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
