My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
