I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
