is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
