i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
