Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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