So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
