if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
