If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
