is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
