How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
