You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
