My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she told me i tasted like america
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
