Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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