she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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