Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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