ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
