haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
