you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
