New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
