I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
