I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It's shark week go big or go home
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
