We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
