dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
