i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
